The Sorceress, Jan van de Velde, 1626

Quantum malorum clausa nullo limite Cogit libido, quamque dulci carmine Purissimas mortalium mentes rapit Furias in omnes, sed cito quam fallimur. Vitam brevem breve gaudium Mors occupat momentulum quod ridet, aeternum dolet. 

“How many evils does Lust command, in the small secluded margins; who with enchanting spell the pure minds of mortals does subdue, and in everyone induces rage, but quickly each is deceived. Death, seizes fleeing Life and brief joy. He laughs for a moment, and forever despairs. “

This engraving by Jan van de Velde depicts a witch as thought of during the height of witchcraft hysteria in Europe. The bare-breasted wild woman stands proudly in her Circle of Art, while demons surrounding her wait to do her bidding to summon some misfortune. All around her are the tools of her craft: the grimoire, the diviner’s cards, flasks of potions, a horn of herbs and a wand, and the goat which she undoubtedly flew in on.

The witch at her cauldron, sets upon some foul brew with the aid of her demon familiars.

Satan’s Penis, and the Christians who Love to Hate It

In case you were wondering, there are actual books out there that have meticulous classified details about the penises of Satan and other spirits. Part of the Summa Theologiae (1485) even discusses whether Satan or other spirits can possess physical forms or not. This was later expanded upon in Malleus Maleficarum (1486/7) which ultimately determined that, though demons may take on the appearance of a living body, it is a total material fabrication. If you find out a demon has impregnated you, its likely by using stolen human semen (FYI). 

Excerpt from A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis

“The Devil’s penis was the obsession of every Inquisitor and the “star” of nearly every witch’s confession. The women invariably said it was cold but there was disagreement on other details. Some located his penis at his rear. Some said he had two, other that it was forked. Most reported it was black and covered with scales. Several said “there was nothing where scrotum and testicles should be hanging.” One likened the Devil’s penis to that of a mule, which the Evil One constantly exposed, so proud was he of its massive size and shape. The Devil’s ejaculate was said to exceed that of one thousand men. But others claimed his penis was smaller than a finger and not even as thick. This lead a French Inquisitor to guess that Satan served some witches better than others… These confessions say something about the fantasies of women, but they reveal much more about the anxieties of men, especially those regarding their defining organ.” (Emphasis mine).

What was once in pagan times a symbol of creative power, virility and force, became the shameful icon of Man’s sinful and disgusting body (according to the Christians, poor blokes!). The reason the Virgin Mary was considered the ideal for all women and mothers was because she had never had contact with the defiling, monstrous and icky penis!!!

 

Research taught me that Germans really, REALLY thought the Devil was carting his giant cock around in a wheelbarrow.

A witch might have sex with Satan numerous times, feeding him the children she bore or using them for wicked spells.

Satan’s bestial schlong. Intimidating the celebate clergy for centuries.

Satan’s dick has a personality all its own. Hey just like mine! Detail of exterior of Lincoln Cathedral.

Priapus from a mural in Pompeii’s House of the Vettii. Possible (definite) inspiration for the imagery surrounding Satan’s dick. And yet another Christian perversion of noble, and more ancient themes.